Love of my life
by kirayasha aka kira
Summary: Jakotsu worries that his young lover,Bankotsu, doesn't love him...


Love of my life

By kira

_For Sensei with love…_

_Love of my life - you've hurt me  
You've broken my heart and now you leave me  
Love of my life can't you see  
Bring it back, bring it back  
Don't take it away from me  
Because you don't know -  
What it means to me… from _Love of my life_ by Freddie Mercury_

_Author's note: Special thanks to my dear friend and beta, Jen, for pinking this for me! _

888

Jakotsu sat on the edge of the veranda just outside his room. He languidly dangled his bare feet over the side as he stared out into the little courtyard garden. Spring had just faded into summer and the butterflies were just as hard at work as the fat lazy bees that also drank from the riotous mass of flowers. Everything smelled so fresh and clean after the rains of the night before. Bringing his hands up to lace his fingers behind his head, Jakotsu leaned back, stretching. He sighed contentedly, letting his thoughts drift back to the events of last night.

The cross-dresser remembered sitting there, wondering why his young lover found his reports and ledger more important than him as he watched the raindrops drip from the overhanging eaves of the covered veranda. The rain and its accompanying cool breeze were doing a good job of clearing away the day's humidity and Jakotsu had felt like a little fun in the futon. He also recalled feeling bored and upset that his clever attempts at seduction were rebuffed. Those thoughts led to darker ones and the eighteen year old found his good mood evaporating like dew on a summer morning. He slowly brought his hands down, hugging himself, as his insecurity threatened to overwhelm him.

_Don't you love me any more…? Or are your books much more appealing…?_ The eighteen year old briefly glanced over his shoulder at his room as a sense of dread seized his heart. _Are you even still in there? I may not be as young as that stupid Chiharu but I do know how to please a man! And I can and __**will**__ do things to you, and let you do them to me, that she'll never do!_ He mentally huffed, anger replacing the despair he felt minutes before._ If you want her that badly, you can have her! I don't need you!!_

_But then you'll be alone…_ a tiny, almost panicky, little voice in his head said.

_So…_he bravely answered back.

_But you _hate_ being alone…and you love him and he loves you!!_

_If he did, he wouldn't chase after those stupid village girls!!_ Jakotsu silently insisted.

_He only does that to annoy Mu…and Ren…_the little voice giggled.

_But…_

_But nothing!_ the little voice said. _I bet if you went inside he'd still be there, sleeping… And you know how much he loves it when you wake him up in your special way…_

Jakotsu giggled softly. If it were possible for the little voice in his head to wink, he was willing to bet everything he had that it did. Getting up, he padded softly over to the shoji, sliding it back just far enough for him to squeeze through. He briefly paused, letting his eyes adjust to his room's dim interior, as he slid the shoji back into place behind him. Jakotsu took a step, untying his obi as he did so. The red silk sash fluttered soundlessly to the floor as he made his way over to his lover's sleeping form. His kimono soon followed, landing in a colorful heap behind him. Naked, Jakotsu knelt beside the futon, before crawling inside. The soft cotton bedding was damp, the outer edges cold to the touch as he slipped inside. Sighing softly, Jakotsu inched his way over to Bankotsu, who luckily was curled up on his side, facing away from him. He carefully spooned in behind the sleeping fifteen year old. Wrapping an arm around him, Jakotsu nuzzled his lover's shoulder with his nose. He gave the younger boys soft butterfly kisses every time Bankotsu shifted slightly in his sleep.

_Can't you see how much I love you? And desire you?_ Jakotsu thought, pushing his groin into the younger boy's bottom.

"GoawaySweetness…"Bankotsu murmured. He half heartedly tried pushing his paramour away but the cross-dresser persisted. Sighing, as he rolled over to face him, and rubbing the sleep from his face, the fifteen year old cracked open an eye. "What?"

"Good morning…" Jakotsu trilled. He smiled sweetly at his young lover. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah…"

"Good…" Leaning towards him, Jakotsu tried giving Bankotsu a kiss.

"I just woke up, Sweetness…" he said, placing his hands between them.

"But…?"

Heaving a long suffering sigh, Bankotsu tried to explain. "I'm still half asleep, Sweetness… and I'm tired. You went to sleep before me last night."

Unfortunately, all Jakotsu could hear was the little nagging voice in his head stating his doubts. _He's tired of you…Normally he can't wait to get a lil taste of you in the morning…or the afternoon… or at night…Nope, you can kiss him goodbye… Oh, wait! He doesn't want to kiss you any more!! _The cross-dresser felt his eyes welling up with tears. Looking away, he rolled over and sat up.

Bankotsu frowned and rubbed tiredly between his eyes, before getting up. He looked down at his paramour, and patting him playfully on the head, he walked towards the shoji. Reaching it, he slid the wood and paper paned door open. The fifteen year old blinked at the bright sunshine lighting the courtyard garden, and squinting, he stepped outside. He walked to the edge of the low covered veranda and penis in hand; he relieved himself into the garden below. The young warrior yawned and stretched, the warmth of the late morning sun feeling good on his bare skin. Smiling at the butterflies that brought to mind his paramour, Bankotsu turned and headed back inside.

Jakotsu had spent the few minutes his lover was gone, sitting there forlornly. The little voice of doubt in his head had feasted hungrily on his insecurities, twisting things around and around until he was in a panic over Bankotsu's loss of affection for him. By the time the fifteen year old returned Jakotsu was so anxious, he jumped at the sound of his lover's soft footsteps.

"You okay, Sweetness?" Bankotsu said as he knelt behind the cross-dresser.

Jakotsu shrugged.

Bankotsu nodded. He put his hands on the older boy's shoulders as he leaned forward to kiss the soft skin on the nape of his neck. Not liking the tension he felt, Bankotsu began to gently knead the tight muscles.

_See…? He does love me!_ Jakotsu thought smugly.

_Are you sure? He could simply be taking what you've always been so happy to give him…_

_I don't know…_ the eighteen year old sighed softly.

"You sure?" the younger boy asked. Just when he thought the tension was easing up, it resurfaced.

"Yeah…"

"Doesn't feel like it." Bankotsu continued massaging his paramour's shoulders. It took a while, but Jakotsu started to relax under his touch. When he began to lean into him, the younger boy added some soft butterfly kisses.

_He's treating you like a whore…_the nagging little voice of doubt said.

_Shut up! _Jakotsu shifted around to face his young lover. Smiling impishly, despite his nagging doubts, he kissed Bankotsu. Sweet little kisses amidst the giggles soon deepened as he gently eased the younger boy onto his back as he blanketed him.

Bankotsu let his hands wander down the length of Jakotsu's back. Moving lower to cup his paramour's bottom, the fifteen year old playfully squeezed it.

Giggling, Jakotsu responded by squirming against his lover. He could feel Bankotsu getting as hard as he was. Playfully biting his lover's chin, Jakotsu turned it into a line of butterfly soft kisses that he trailed down the younger boy's neck. Downwards he went, sliding his body against Bankotsu's, and briefly pausing to suckle on the younger boy's nipple. The eighteen year old was good with his tongue, rolling the tiny nub of flesh until it grew rock hard, before turning his attention to the other one. He licked, nipped, and sucked as his young lover's breathing quickened.

Bankotsu moaned softly. His paramour's actions were sending little jolts of pleasure down his spine that pooled deep within his belly and groin. The lower Jakotsu went, the more intense those feelings became and he was very close to climaxing.

As if sensing his time was near, the cross-dresser quickly made his way lower, settling comfortably between his young lover's thighs. Placing his hand around Bankotsu's swollen member, he engulfed it in his mouth. Head bobbing up and down, Jakotsu would pause every so often to flick his tongue just under the sensitive tip. Closer and closer he inched his young lover to his release.

Bankotsu dug his heels into the futon as he fisted the bedding. Letting out a soft moan, he tensed, his muscles straining as he waited for the moment when he would pass the point of no return. His paramour continued to suckle him as he came, scraping his teeth against the younger boy's cock as he swallowed. Pulling away with a self satisfied slurp, Jakotsu looked up at him and asked sweetly, "You like?"

The fifteen year lay back, silent for several minutes before he barked out a little snort of amusement. "What do think?"

"I think you like the way I eat dumplings," the cross-dresser cheekily replied.

"I think so too…"

Jakotsu sat up and as he did so all of his earlier insecurities came flooding back. Adding insult to injury, Bankotsu made no move to reciprocate and the eighteen year old felt his desire waning along with his erection. He was about to get up, get dressed, and leave, when he heard the younger boy moving behind him. Seconds later, he was caught in Bankotsu's warm embrace.

The fifteen year old's breath tickled his ear and Jakotsu was about to pull away when he said softly, "What's wrong, Sweetness?"

The cross-dresser stiffening under his touch, replied, "Nothing…"

"Jakotsu," the younger boy whined.

"What?"

"Why won't you tell me what's bothering you?"

"Why do you care?" The cross-dresser steadfastly refused to look at him.

"Because…"

"Why because?"

"Because you're my friend-"

"Your friend? That's all I am? All we are is… _friends_?!" Jakotsu cried.

"Well, yeah!" the fifteen year old spat.

"So that's all I am…" the cross-dresser repeated. "A friend and the only reason we nookie is because you're too lazy to go find some stupid bitch?!"

"No!"

"Oh, so we're not friends, and I'm just a free ride. Nice…"

"No…"

"Then what, Oo-Aniki? What am I to you? Hmmm?!"

Bankotsu not knowing why this stupid argument was happening, or where it came from, sputtered as he tried to come up with an answer that would appease his paramour. Unable to reply quickly, he watched helplessly as Jakotsu pulled away from him and stood up.

"Don't even bother putting it into words; I can see I mean nothing to you…" the eighteen year old said bitterly. He walked over to his kimono, and picking it up, he shrugged into it. Pulling it closed he reached for his obi, tying it around his waist.

"That's not true!! You mean a lot to me! You're my friend and my…" Bankotsu paused even though it was the wrong thing to do, but he just could not bring himself to voice aloud just how much Jakotsu meant to him. The way the cross-dresser seemed to be spoiling for a fight, he was afraid he would reject him.

"Your what? Whore? Or is it slut, since I don't ask you for money?" Jakotsu said sarcastically.

"…my lover…" Bankotsu said softly.

The cross-dresser eyed him suspiciously. "Hunh?"

"My lover…" the younger boys said as he felt his cheeks heating up. "You're my lover."

"You mean your fuck," Jakotsu testily replied.

"No, if things were like that, we wouldn't be friends and I wouldn't care about you." Bankotsu stood and walked over to where he had left his clothes last night. Picking up his kimono, he shrugged into it.

"Oh really?" Jakotsu turned to face him, stuffing his hands in his sleeves. He narrowed his eyes and said, "Then why do you chase after all those girls if you care about me so much?"

"I don't chase them," Bankotsu replied, frowning. "They chase me! I mean if they want to act like whores, why shouldn't take what they're offering?"

"Because it hurts"

"Well, now you know how I feel when you do what you do on the battlefield, and when I catch you flirting with some stupid guy, like Ren!"

"Oh… but that's different." The eighteen year old waved his hand dismissively. "Besides, I don't flirt with Ren."

_Yes, you do, but I'll drop that for now. I really don't want to fight with you, Sweetness… _"How so? You're still busy with someone else instead of me."

"Because I like to cut them up and watch them bleed, and I like the feeling of power I get when I see the fear in their eyes."

"Oh…"

"Yeah… I don't want to hurt you like that, Aniki…chan; I like you too much…" Jakotsu trailed off softly as he looked away.

Bankotsu nodded. "Well, I like you too," he shyly admitted.

"Yeah…?" Jakotsu closed his eyes, he wanted so badly for that to be true that he was afraid to believe it.

"Uh-hunh…" the younger boy said earnestly. "I'll even sniff your yummies without asking!"

Jakotsu giggled. "You'd do that for me?"

"Yup!" He dropped to his knees and hurried over to his paramour as fast as he could.

The eighteen year watched, clearly amused as his young lover opened the folds of the cross-dresser's kimono.

Grinning wickedly at Jakotsu, Bankotsu made quite the show of sniffing his paramour's crotch as the older boy laughed. A few minutes later, he looked up at him. "Wanna nookie?"

"Hmmm… I dunno…"

"Hunh?" Bankotsu said, his disappointment clearly seen on his face. "But, but…"

The cross-dresser got down on his level and sat back on his heels. Sighing, he said, "I like you, no, love you so much it hurts… and Sui said people show their love in different ways and all, but-" Whatever else he was going to say was swallowed up in Bankotsu's kiss.

"Me too… And if you let me-"

Jakotsu silenced him by gently placing his finger on the younger boy's lips. "You don't have to do anything like that, Aniki-chan, really you don't." He brushed his fingers against Bankotsu's cheek, cupping it. "I just want to be held by you and feel loved, that's all."

"You sure?"

"Yeah…" Jakotsu pulled his young lover close. He murmured into the top of Bankotsu's head, "As tempting as it is to spend the whole day nookying with you, we know it'll never happen cuz someone will come looking for us…"

"And that'll piss them off…"

"Yeah…"

"Later?"

"Later…"


End file.
